When someone says, "Don't be a pussy," they are really saying, "stop being a wimp." But it's exaggerated, like the difference between saying "gosh darnit!" and "DAMMIT!"
Conversely, when someone says, "Damn, he/she/it has balls," they're really saying "Damn, he/she/it is tough and fearless."
Like what? What???? How does this slang make any sense to anyone with even remote knowledge of biology. Did the creators of this terminology even take sex ed?!
Let's review the facts.
Vaginas, more unaffectionately called pussies, put up with more of a beating than any other part of the human body, except for maybe the heart (pun intended). No, but really. Pregnancy and child-bearing causes the largest deviation from homeostasis (the happy place of the body) for not just women, but all human kind, than any other human activity (including football).
Those things stretch, tear, and put up with the extreme discomfort of bad sex and pushing out a human child. And, then, it keeps going! Often doing it again, sometimes consecutive times in a single birthing session. (Fun fact: the most babies birthed by a single woman is 69*)
Testicles (a.k.a balls), on the other hand, also carry a the makings of a human child--when they are microscopic. These things hide from cold weather in the safety of their person, are sensitive to the slightest touch...essentially they are scared of everything and anything and run from even the smallest stressors.
So explain to me how vaginas are the weak ones and balls are the fearless ones.
Anyone would be lucky to be called a pussy, or at least way luckier than actually being one. What a compliment to your fortitude, bravery, and resilience! Vaginas in this world are expected to and do perform one of the hardest if not the hardest tasks of human kind hundreds of thousands of times a day.
So let's change the terminology...or at least look into the accuracy of our middle school sex ed classes.
*Marie M. Clay; Clay (1989). Quadruplets and Higher Multiple Births. London: Cambridge University Press, 1989.
**Disclaimer: I understand "pussies" and "balls" are symbolic of the genders for which they are reproductive organs and explicative of gender stereotypes and not inaccurate sexual education. But, either way, we should stop perpetuating these stereotypes. Still feeling arugmentative? Fine. Then just let me have this rant.**
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
on perspective
There comes a time, or more likely many times, when one is faced with circumstances that try his or her patience or anger management abilities. If you're like me (i.e. you have a lot of emotions and/or character flaws, depending on who is talking), these events occur on a rather regular basis.
Throughout my childhood, I was a bully's wet dream. I reacted to anything and everything, and vehemently. My intense reactions to stressors were nothing less than self-destructive. As a college student, I realized the error of my ways.
*FLASHBACK*
When I was in middle school, my local public library had a used book sale every afternoon. (Actually, they probably still do but that is irrelevant because this story is set in circa 2004) Quite often, I would stop by on a regular basis and impulse buy as many $1 to $2 books as I had money for.
One such book was called The Art of Keeping Cool.
No, it wasn't a self-help book. It was some little-known fiction novel. And I actually never read it so this piece is not going to be on what I learned from this book. What it is going to be about is this: The Art of Keeping Cool.
From my 20 years of experience being part firecracker, part Energizer bunny, the most valuable lesson I have learned is The Art of Keeping Cool. I only became a novice in this art in the last, say, 6 months. But this skill, and some medication (kidding), have been correlated to an immense increase in my own personal happiness and in that of my amazingly tolerant friends, who no longer have to spend hours reassuring me that so-and-so was completely out of line or that X is probably not mad at me because I said I was going to that social gathering and then I didn't go.
I call it, practicing perspective (patent pending).
"Da fuq," you say, as you wonder why you're taking advice from a neurotic twenty year old's amateur blog.
But, seriously, it works.
Practicing perspective means when you start getting riled up--frustrated, annoyed, angry, embarrassed, disappointed, guilty, etc., etc., etc., you stop and think "Will I care about this in a week? Month? Year?"
If the answer is "no" to any of those time periods than it's just not worth stressing over. Practicing perspective means keeping your eye on the big picture and adjusting where your emotional priorities lie accordingly.
It's a simple method that works wonders. I imagine cardiologists and therapists all over the world would see a massive decrease in business if everyone would follow this method.
So just to recap:
Throughout my childhood, I was a bully's wet dream. I reacted to anything and everything, and vehemently. My intense reactions to stressors were nothing less than self-destructive. As a college student, I realized the error of my ways.
*FLASHBACK*
When I was in middle school, my local public library had a used book sale every afternoon. (Actually, they probably still do but that is irrelevant because this story is set in circa 2004) Quite often, I would stop by on a regular basis and impulse buy as many $1 to $2 books as I had money for.
One such book was called The Art of Keeping Cool.
No, it wasn't a self-help book. It was some little-known fiction novel. And I actually never read it so this piece is not going to be on what I learned from this book. What it is going to be about is this: The Art of Keeping Cool.
From my 20 years of experience being part firecracker, part Energizer bunny, the most valuable lesson I have learned is The Art of Keeping Cool. I only became a novice in this art in the last, say, 6 months. But this skill, and some medication (kidding), have been correlated to an immense increase in my own personal happiness and in that of my amazingly tolerant friends, who no longer have to spend hours reassuring me that so-and-so was completely out of line or that X is probably not mad at me because I said I was going to that social gathering and then I didn't go.
I call it, practicing perspective (patent pending).
"Da fuq," you say, as you wonder why you're taking advice from a neurotic twenty year old's amateur blog.
But, seriously, it works.
Practicing perspective means when you start getting riled up--frustrated, annoyed, angry, embarrassed, disappointed, guilty, etc., etc., etc., you stop and think "Will I care about this in a week? Month? Year?"
If the answer is "no" to any of those time periods than it's just not worth stressing over. Practicing perspective means keeping your eye on the big picture and adjusting where your emotional priorities lie accordingly.
It's a simple method that works wonders. I imagine cardiologists and therapists all over the world would see a massive decrease in business if everyone would follow this method.
So just to recap:
In the event of a stressful situation...
1.) Take a deep breath
2.) Think "Will this matter in..."
a) 1 week
b) 1 month
c) 1 year
If no--exhale--and move on. Don't spend any further time worrying your pretty (or handsome) little head on it. You time can be better spent on worrying about all the things you answered "yes" to for a) b) or c).
Now get off this blog and go enjoy your life!
-r
on getting tired of people
I once overheard a conversation that went something like this:
Person A: "Everyone at this school is socially awkward. I'm socially awkward, you're kind of socially awkward..."
Person B: "What? I'm not socially awkward. I just hate everyone."
Okay, I mostly wanted to post this exchange because I found it hilarious but I also realized there was something blog-worthy in here.
Sometimes, for no particular reason, a friend whom I have been very much enjoying spending time with will just suddenly start annoying me. He or she has not done anything to me, their behavior has likely not changed, but suddenly it feels as though I am metaphorically gasping for air every time I am in close proximity to this person. Slowly, I find little things annoying me and eventually I can't even force myself to answer their text messages and I have to suppress an eye roll and force a response to everything they say.
I'm not saying this is rational or fair, I'm just remarking on my experience after recently discovering one of my friends experiences the same phenomenon.
For people like us--or maybe this is a common thing--our relationships with others can be viewed as cups that are filled with water as you spend time with that person. When the cups are full, you are sick of that person. Continuing to add water just causes the cup to overflow and causes a mess. Instead, you need to let that cup sit and wait for some of that excess water to evaporate out before adding more. With some people, the cup is more...uh..exposed to the sun. Thus, that cup evaporates faster, sometimes even so fast you seem to never grow sick of them. With others, it's so cold that the cup is frozen full.
Did you follow that?
I think that by viewing these friendships as cups of water, it's easier to stay patient and avoid dramas. When I can see my cup is getting full, I know it's time to take a little breather and let some water evaporate before I have a big mess everywhere that I have to clean up. Sometimes this means I need to push that cup a little further into the sun with an open conversation or a lot of vigorous exercise, like boxing.
I don't know that this is a common experience, but if it is I think it helps to know others feel the same and realize it's not mean or rude to wait for some water to evaporate--it's necessary. Well, unless you want to continuously be on clean up duty. Some people like doing that shit.
-r
Person A: "Everyone at this school is socially awkward. I'm socially awkward, you're kind of socially awkward..."
Person B: "What? I'm not socially awkward. I just hate everyone."
Okay, I mostly wanted to post this exchange because I found it hilarious but I also realized there was something blog-worthy in here.
Sometimes, for no particular reason, a friend whom I have been very much enjoying spending time with will just suddenly start annoying me. He or she has not done anything to me, their behavior has likely not changed, but suddenly it feels as though I am metaphorically gasping for air every time I am in close proximity to this person. Slowly, I find little things annoying me and eventually I can't even force myself to answer their text messages and I have to suppress an eye roll and force a response to everything they say.
I'm not saying this is rational or fair, I'm just remarking on my experience after recently discovering one of my friends experiences the same phenomenon.
For people like us--or maybe this is a common thing--our relationships with others can be viewed as cups that are filled with water as you spend time with that person. When the cups are full, you are sick of that person. Continuing to add water just causes the cup to overflow and causes a mess. Instead, you need to let that cup sit and wait for some of that excess water to evaporate out before adding more. With some people, the cup is more...uh..exposed to the sun. Thus, that cup evaporates faster, sometimes even so fast you seem to never grow sick of them. With others, it's so cold that the cup is frozen full.
Did you follow that?
I think that by viewing these friendships as cups of water, it's easier to stay patient and avoid dramas. When I can see my cup is getting full, I know it's time to take a little breather and let some water evaporate before I have a big mess everywhere that I have to clean up. Sometimes this means I need to push that cup a little further into the sun with an open conversation or a lot of vigorous exercise, like boxing.
I don't know that this is a common experience, but if it is I think it helps to know others feel the same and realize it's not mean or rude to wait for some water to evaporate--it's necessary. Well, unless you want to continuously be on clean up duty. Some people like doing that shit.
-r
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